Sunday, January 31, 2010


It's been a long long time since i last blogged...!
So much has happened since the last, and it's been a crazy journey walking with God and for him.
I think it'll be good to do some reflections from the past and for the yr ahead, and how even some resolutions have already begun.

There's my personal growth, where i struggle to become an adult. I'm 21!!! And to me, it's just another added year that didn't mean anything different from other years to me. But i figured, I had to find out what's so special about this year even though no one is teaching me, or telling me anything definate at all. :(
Why do ppl organise grand parties on the day, and go on and on about not being childish anymore. What does it actually mean? Well, take the initiative and find out then! This year's hunt included a whole new world of learning:

1. Financial management and why there's a need to have financial freedom, from the perspective of a kingdom mindset and a heart of stewardship, not riches.

2. Will writing. Wasn't part of the list at all, but the young adult group organised such a workship. How interesting. My assets are like... prob my sesame street stuffed toys, my lappy, my baking equipment, and my most treasured personal recipe book. Haha. Who wants 'em?

3. The need to love my number 1 (God), and the patient wait for my number 2 (ahem. my life partner la). I'm not ashamed to say it... Haha. I don't have the gift of celibacy. And according to science, it's best to give birth to children before 30. This leads me to the 4th point.

4. Marriage and families... Yes. Go on and laugh. hahaha. So what if i haven't even found my life partner? Haha. I just figured i need to know. I wonder why people study their whole lives for their career, but schools never taught anything about families, even though it's like the basic and essential unit of society. There's too many dysnfunctional families around, behind closed doors. It's never meant to be this way...

5. And the compatibles of loving and serving, power and prayer, foolishness and wisdom, humility and confidence, simplicity and awareness, innocence and shrewdness, rejoicing and mourning, stillness and passion, fear and boldness.

6. (Said in a uber cool way, with uber cool pose) Discipleship... It's the way to go :)

7. To be a very expensive asset... Got to level up till i add much value to wherever i choose to work/live/influence... Not only do i have to study really hard, i will also choose to continue serving. Kenneth shared a very powerful point last night (paraphrased and added on):
When we choose to serve God, we will be blessed in return.
Compared to others who just choose to only study and nothing else, struggling to grow and serve others will give us a more all-rounded education. It's not just the textbook knowledge we need when we go out to work. But we need to know how to relate to ppl, work in teams, lead and teach and encourage others, juggle more responsibilities and love them yet correct them. This is the wisdom that is needed. Theory is not sufficient! That is the value we can add, and that perhaps might be the reason why we are blessed when we choose to bless others...

It's not just theory, as i've learnt while serving in OCF. It's the living out of what we've learnt. If it's not shown in your life, you haven't learnt it yet.

So there, the most meaningful and frustrating holiday yet... Meaningful because one: I spent much more time with family this time around. Although it's still not enough, and i think i haven't been enough of a granddaughter, daughter or cousin. And two: After praying, God really answered and provided opportunities already! to learn alot of stuff from my resolutions.

Yet, frustrating and alot of fear already for the yr ahead. RAWRRR! I hate this feeling... I'm not just happy and radiant all the time you know? But i must not be afraid to face it. Sigh. So so hard eh?
I will be victorious... If God is for me, who can be against me? The battle has already been won. I will get my hands on the movie 300 for inspiration, as recommended by my most respected chef.

*OCF ah OCF... So much mixed feelings..................................

Anyhow, I've declared 2010 the YOD - Year of Decisions. We'll re-evaluate at the end of the yr, and hopefully many times in the middle. Psalm 25:12 Who, then, is the man that fears the Lord? He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.

Note to self: When i can't sleep, dark chocolate and red wine (i only need a few sips) works superbly an instant good peaceful sleep... Yesterday night was proof. :)


Became a worship leader for the first time this morning. Set-up the place (by cleaning up my room), then chose my own songs suitable for my own walk, and repeated them as many times as i needed. Awesome... :)

2 songs that calmed, spurred, and prepared my sensitive heart most:

What A Friend I've Found

What a friend I've found
Closer than a brother
I have felt your touch
More intimate than lovers

Jesus, Jesus
Jesus, friend forever

What a hope I've found
More faithful than a mother
It would break my heart
To ever lose each other

Michael Card
Galatians 3 & Romans 3:22

To hear with my heart
To see with my soul
To be guided by a hand I cannot hold
To trust in a way that I cannot see
That's what faith must be

When the universe fell from His fingertips
He decided He wanted some fellowship
But the man and the woman would not submit
So He made a better way
When the moment was right He sent His own Son
And He opened the way so that everyone
Could have hope and believe that when time was done
He'd be able to make us one


Now I understand that there is a key
It's Jesus in me, a reality
That God is in Christ and that Christ's in me
That with faith I see what is unseen

That's what faith must be

Gamabte Kudasai, Mel~